Photo credit: Davide De Pas
“I consider myself a natural optimist and I have a wonderful, happy life with my kids,” Rene Denfeld told Hollywood on the Potomac just prior to the 24th annual fundraiser Knock Out Abuse Against Women Gala at The Ritz Carlton in Washington, DC where she was presented with the “Break The Silence” Award by Governor of Virginia Terry McAuliffe.
Denfeld is a bestselling author, journalist, and licensed investigator. Her second novel, The Child Finder, was published in Sept. 2017. “I didn’t actually write my first novel until my 40’s. I’m really glad I waited because once you get to your 40’s and above, you have something to say; you have more wisdom and you’re more comfortable. I’m a lot more comfortable with who I am and what I’ve learned. I was a freelance journalist for quite a few years, and then I ended up becoming an investigator when the bottom fell out of the journalism industry.”
Rene Denfeld
About Knock Out Abuse: Established in 1993, KOA has become the largest fundraiser in the U.S. devoted exclusively to supporting victims of domestic violence. Proceeds from the annual event go directly to organizations offering valuable life skills, housing, counseling, education, job placement and legal protection. For the past 24 years, KOA has raised more than $9 million to provide transformational support to 25,000 women and children whose lives have been shattered by abuse in our community. KOA was co-founded by Cheryl Masri and Jill Sorensen.
Jill Sorensen and Cheryl Masri
KOA takes us back to Rene who broke her silence and found freedom. “There’s freedom in just owning my story and breaking the silence basically and saying I refuse to be ashamed. It wasn’t my fault. The man I considered my father is actually a registered predatory sex offender. I had an incredibly traumatic childhood,” she told us. “I grew up in the midst of poverty and crime and unspeakable abuse. Every day after school, starting with kindergarten, I would run to the local public library and stay there until closing. I escaped into books and imagination. The local library is one of the institutions that actually saved my life. I always wanted to be a writer, but it wasn’t until later that I realized I could. I had to grow my self-esteem a bit. I grew up with a lot of pedophiles in my life. It was a very traumatic history. By the time I was 15, I was actually homeless. I lived on the streets. it was actually safer than being home though I was trafficked when I was a teenager. I escaped into writing, escaped into books. That was my solace, but thanks to help form youth agencies too, I got off the streets and I started writing. I would just write for my own pleasure at first. I’d write poetry and short stories, but ended up getting into freelance journalism. That was the start of my career actually.”
In between the speakers that included Tammy Wincup of presenting sponsor EVERFI who introduced Rep. Debbie Dingell [D-MI]; Andrea Roane, WUSA9, Mistress of Ceremonies; Gala Chairs Elissa Davidson and Sara O’Keefe, guests went to bid on a vast array of items at the silent auction that included:
“There’s was a certain point in my early 20’s I thought I wanted to be a writer, and I wanted to take all the trauma I’ve experienced and help other people with it,” Rene told us. “I wanted to save other people from what had happened to me. Once I made this decision, my whole life just changed: I started making all these decisions on that basis that included adopting the kids.” Her mother died in 2012 without actually discussing the abuse she had suffered. “I tried. I think one of the things I think is we actually need to break the silence when parents allow their partners to commit violence. At that time, there was a lot of silence around those issues, and I hope it’s changing for the better because I think my mother had a lot of shame and a lot of self-loathing. My mother was mentally ill and she didn’t get help too. She was a victim as well, and so I forgave her for what she did.”
Rene Denfeld and Gov. Terry McAuliffe
“The man I considered my father has been in and out of prison,” she continued. “As I mentioned, he’s a registered predatory sex offender. He’s a very dangerous person. He’s currently out, though he has a history of raping women at knife point and many other terrible things. I’ve kept track of him over the years. I would have nightmares about this person particularly after I adopted my kids. I would have nightmares that he had found out where I lived and he was in my kids’ bedroom. At one point I actually decided – I hadn’t seen him for decades – to [file] a victim registry where you can get an alert as a victim of a crime. Actually, I get alerts on my phone when he’s out of custody. He does things like they’ll be warrants for his arrest and he runs. There was actually a point a couple of years ago where I got an alert that he was out on the streets again. I was having these terrible nightmares about him. I thought ‘I want to confront this person,’ and actually I did. He got arrested again and put in prison, and I actually went and confronted him. I was shaking and I felt like a four year old child again, but it was a great decision to make. He, of course, denies everything. What I found was this toothless little old man in jail and I stopped being afraid of him. I realized he didn’t have that power over me. He ended up right where he belonged.”
There is a happy ending to Rene’s story. “I’ve been a foster adoptive parent now for 20 years. My kids came to me when they were considered very hard to place. One social worker told me that my youngest son was un-adoptable. They had a lot of trauma. They came from backgrounds like mine, and so we went on this healing journey together. It was amazing because it was transformative for me. When I adopted my kids, I wanted to kind of make my home into a sanctuary. It’s a place of healing and love. And my job as a parent is to help them heal.”
